


Floccinaucinihilipilification

by WenchicusThoticus



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Anal Sex, Bi-Curiosity, Bisexual Male Character, Biting, Blood, Breast Fucking, Burnplay, Chastity Device, Cock Cages, Come Eating, Comeplay, Cunnilingus, DILFs, Don't take any of this too seriously, Drunk Hakoda is a fuckboy, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, Exhibitionism, F/M, Frottage, Handcuffs, Hate Sex, Heckling during sex, Insults, M/M, MILFs, Masturbation, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn Logic, Porn With Plot, Power Play, Prison Sex, Rimming, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Snowballing, Spitroasting, Tagged as rape/non-con just to be safe, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Fingering, Voyeurism, blowjob, getting crushed between a woman's thighs, i guess, i mean i guess there's a plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2019-11-04 20:40:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17905262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WenchicusThoticus/pseuds/WenchicusThoticus
Summary: The story of how Hakoda accidentally got Zuko's parents back together





	1. Top Ozai/Bottom Hakoda

**Author's Note:**

> When they said "be the change you want to see in the world," they probably weren't talking about porn. But I’m trapped in rarepair hell and there’s only one way out, babey. Some other titles I considered were "Putting The D In DILF," "Did You Just Call Me Really Vigorous," and "Fornication In The Fire Nation" (a la "Ride Him All The Way To Ba Sing Se," another fic of mine) but I feel like "Floccinaucinihilipilification" is more of a mood.

Shadows danced upon the dingy walls of the dungeon. As the small party ascended, natural lighting overpowered the dim torches locked in the brackets between cells. Hakoda squinted and recoiled from the brightness, only for a guard to affix a blindfold over his eyes. The shuffling of feet resumed around him, and the warmth of the sunlight faded as they entered another building, overheated and stuffy in its own way. 

Perhaps they were in the palace, though he couldn’t imagine a reason why — not one that would end well, anyway. His title had once held power and meaning, but those days were long gone. Spitefully and morbidly, he thought to himself that he was not important enough to be here. He and the other prisoners of war hadn’t been taken very far following their capture — he knew that much. He had been permitted a shower in the freezing prison water and a decent meal, yet somehow these basic kindnesses had set him on edge more than they’d soothed him.

The group halted again, presumably outside a set of doors that soon swung open. An ominous voice spoke, shaking him to his core, and he knew that it could belong to only one person. The words, their meanings lost in the flurry of fear writhing in his stomach, washed over him as if they were in a foreign language. The tone held and air of grandiosity and smug overconfidence, and instinctually, he hated it. As he should have.

As the guards’ footsteps faded away, in an ironic twist of fate he begged silently for their return. To be left alone here was the stuff of his nightmares, and in all of his years of fighting, he had never imagined that he would be so horrifically unfortunate as to come face to face with the spectre behind the war. 

The door shut behind him and he quivered in his singed, soiled clothing, bindings, and blindfold. A hand reached forward to ease the strip of cloth off over his head, and it took all of his willpower not to flinch.

Before him stood none other than Fire Lord Ozai. He didn’t really know what he had expected even though he’d seen pictures, and of course the narcissistic fuck went around erecting statues of himself, too. He felt less terrified and more… self-conscious, standing before such a well-groomed individual, wearing the dirty clothes in which he had been captured and with cuts, bruises, and burns covering his exposed skin. Ozai wore only an elegant silk robe that clung to his body and accentuated his muscular form. Sleek black hair flowed down over his shoulders, and Hakoda forced himself to study that face. He was surprisingly… normal, if not pleasant-looking.

“Why don’t you sit down?” he suggested, gesturing to a cushion upon the lavish bed.

His attention shifted from the man himself to his surroundings. Having been to several himself, he was pretty sure that military negotiations didn’t occur in the bedrooms of various world leaders. The predatory gleam in those eyes aroused both him and his suspicions as to what the fire lord’s plans were for him. Tentatively, he complied, clumsily clambering onto the bed and seating himself upon the pillow.

“Quite a bold move of you to invade during the eclipse. In fact, I’m impressed that you got as far as you did,” Ozai said, joining him on the bed.

“Er, thank you,” he stammered, nervously kneading at the cushion, his wrists still tied behind his back.

He hardly refrained from leaping away in panic when Ozai reached around his waist to burn through the rope binding his hands. Now that he was practically on top of him, he was certain of his intentions, but it still shocked him when he voiced them.

“No use delaying things with small talk,” said the fire lord, breath hot against Hakoda’s cheek. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for a moment like this. There’s a reason why I have summoned you. You know, even in your… current state, I’m intrigued. You will soon be a nothing and a nobody, a relic of a bygone age… But I’ve always wanted to bed a Water Tribe man. And who better than a chieftain to quench my thirst?”

“I’m — I’m sorry, what?” Hakoda stammered. The abruptness of such a vulgar statement was like a bag of bricks to the balls, and he prayed that he had misinterpreted. Alas, he could not deny what he had just heard.

“Did I not make myself clear?” Ozai’s palms traced his hips, teasing the waistband of his pants and making him squirm, entrapping him in a confusing mess of terror and burning arousal. A hand snaked around Hakoda’s back to pull him up against his body. Distantly, he realized that he’d gotten an erection somewhere along the line, jutting into Ozai’s hard stomach.

He choked back his fear — to fight it would only give the fire lord more satisfaction. A lump was forming in the back of his throat, but he lifted a newly freed, trembling hand to touch Ozai’s muscular chest, maybe to feebly push him away — or maybe he wanted, needed, to see how it felt. The robe was silky beneath his fingertips, but that wasn’t what he was interested in. 

Ozai continued to monologue like the treacherous scumbag that he was. “If you’re worried that I’m going to force myself on you, then don’t.” His hungry gaze traveled downwards, raking every inch of bare skin on its way down. “You’ll want every second of it. It’s much more enjoyable that way.”

“Don’t — don’t you have a country to run?” he stuttered, desperate for an out, but his fear was beginning to transform into anger at those conceited, complacent words.

The robe slipped from his shoulders and fell in a crumpled pile onto the bed, revealing little that hadn’t already been obvious. He raised an eyebrow, the look on his face more infuriatingly smug by the second. “I could ask the same of you,” he countered.

While Hakoda had never been particularly interested in men, this douchebag was bringing out both the gay and the violent tendencies in him. Fantasies of bending him over the side of the bed and brutally ramming into him began to cloud his judgment.

“So be it,” he growled. Sick of the fire lord’s self-centered bullshit and eager to get things over with, he seized him by the shoulders and slammed his face into Ozai’s. Ozai stiffened from the unexpected, aggressive advance, but he smirked into their vigorous kiss and began to return it with equal frenzy. His mouth tasted like smoke and death, and for a moment, Hakoda feared the consequences of his spontaneity, as making out with his fire-breathing mortal enemy wasn’t exactly the most intelligent decision of his life. 

But he’d already committed, and he wasn’t going to back down now. He tasted blood as Ozai bit down hard on his lower lip, breaking the vicious, hateful kiss to rip off Hakoda’s thin shirt and burn it. Teeth dug into his neck as Ozai began on a path down. He tensed and yelped with every bite, blood trickling along his collarbone and down his chest where his skin had been punctured. Hakoda’s grip tightened and tangled in his silky locks with every new blossom of pain added to the trail stretching down his abdomen.

Things were not going to plan, and the power onto which he’d foolishly believed he could cling was slipping further and further from his grasp by the second. Ozai teased a nipple between his teeth, the sensation enough to drive him insane. His mouth journeyed from pec to pec, and finally, hands fumbled at his waist and tore away his pants, now having reached the sensitive skin of the his inner thighs. He shuddered and gasped as teeth ruthlessly sunk into his flesh and his tongue lapped up the blood trickling from the bite marks. 

Jerking him off with one hand, Ozai reached for his nightstand and fumbled around in the top drawer until he unearthed a bottle of lube. He carelessly spilled it into his palm, and unceremoniously, he rammed a finger into Hakoda’s anus, prompting another wave of fear to wash over him. He’d never taken anything more than some fingers up the ass, and despite his limited vantage point, he could tell that Ozai appeared to be slathering his cock in the stuff. His tongue swirled around Hakoda’s asshole, the warm mouth counterbalancing the cold of the lubricant.

“Tell me how much you want it,” the douchebag purred amusedly, pulling away.

“Suck my cock,” he spat. The insult slipped out before he realized that it was a completely reasonable request.

As a matter of fact, Ozai considered it for a moment, continuing to pensively finger his ass. The digit withdrew and Hakoda propped himself on his arms to see him kiss along his length and tongue the head.

He hated to admit it, but the sight was really turning him on. If he got out of this alive, he was definitely going to have a gay crisis, but honestly, in that moment, he wouldn’t have minded dying of mortification right then and there. The situation wasn’t slaking his anger anymore, and that needed to change — and he didn’t care how reckless he had to be in order to accomplish that.

When he sat up far enough, he caught a glimpse of Ozai’s prick. “Come on,” he taunted. “Show me what you can do with that skinny dick of yours.” Indeed, his cock was rather slender, elegant and finely shaped, but average-sized, if he was being generous. As if trying to hide it, he rammed it into Hakoda’s ass without any further preparation and gyrated his hips slowly, almost experimentally, to get a feel for his new partner.

Things were finally slowing down, allowing them both to adjust, but that wasn’t what he wanted. It felt strange, alien, but with the lube and the underwhelming size of his mortal enemy’s dick, he again grew confident in his ability to handle things. Truly, Ozai’s real damage-dealer was his mouth, he thought as the bite marks all across his neck and torso stung and bled. Unless he could shoot fire out of his cock. But Hakoda really hoped that he wouldn’t have to learn the answer to that question.

Ozai hoisted Hakoda’s legs onto his shoulders and gripped each of his arse cheeks, his nails digging into flesh and his hands heating up, almost burning. Hakoda’s lower body hung off the side of the bed as Ozai picked up his speed and set a rigorous but steady pace. 

But it was not enough. He was pretty sure that the being penetrated was supposed cause some sort of pleasure on his behalf, but it only felt like he was shitting in reverse. “My wife fucks ass better than you, and she’s dead! How do you think you can dominate the world if you can’t even dominate me?” he screamed.

Ozai growled beastially and shot out a jet of flame that narrowly missed Hakoda’s face, its heat intense enough to singe his hair and shock him into submission. Because he hadn’t yet met Zuko, Hakoda didn’t know that Ozai didn’t fuck around when it came to roasting the faces of those who disrespected him, and that he should’ve considered himself extremely fortunate that he’d gotten a warning shot.

Still caught up in the near-miss, he didn’t notice the enraged fire lord pull out his dick and wipe it off on the bedsheets, and then give Hakoda’s asshole a similar cleansing treatment. Unprepared for the shitstorm that he had unleashed upon himself, he screamed as Ozai shoved in raw. “Is this what you wanted?” he hissed through gritted teeth, literally fuming.

Immediately, he regretted his decision, but he held back another snarky taunt. Clawing at the sheets like an absolute madman, his arse got pulverized.

“Be a good slut and tell me how much you wanted this,” he crooned. As Ozai upped his speed, Hakoda felt something trickling out of him, whether it was viscera, blood, or precum, he couldn’t tell. His thoughts became scrambled and unclear and all he could do was to focus on was the faint pleasure hidden behind the agony of taking it rough and raw. He had pushed his control of the situation too far, and it had slid back out of his grip. Words bubbled up in his throat — part of him was enjoying it or was just scared enough to want to fulfill his master’s wish, but still, for his pride’s sake, he managed to hold out for just a little longer.

His nail bit into Ozai’s back, carving claw marks into flesh. Blood welled up beneath his fingertips, and his grip migrated to his neck to pull him down. That merciless gaze, now too close, framed by the black hair that trailed across Hakoda’s face, seared into him and judged his every expression, his every sound, his every movement.

“Tell me how much you wanted this,” he panted again. His eyes shone with malicious delight.

He could only whine beneath the overwhelming assault of sensation. Desperate for release, he unclasped a hand from around Ozai’s neck to stroke himself. Sweat and blood coated his palm and he hastily wiped it off on the sheets before starting to jerk off again.

Ozai came violently. Fortunately, he did not ejaculate fire. Hakoda thrashed uncontrollably beneath him, screaming and grasping at the bedsheets. He pulled out and knelt to lick Hakoda’s messy asshole, and much to his relief, moved onto his needy cock.

The sultry gleam in the fire lord’s dark, lusty eyes alone was enough to send him over the edge. As soon as Ozai put his lips around his cock and they locked gazes, he came on the spot. He rose from his knees and splayed himself across his fucktoy again as they started viciously snowballing. Blood and cum intermingled as their mouths clashed recklessly against each other, nails raked through his hair and into Hakoda’s scalp, scalding hot fingers left burn marks wherever they met skin. He writhed in pain but redoubled his assault. The harsh metallic taste of blood overpowered that of the cum, whether it was from Ozai’s or his own split lips, he couldn’t tell.

When it was clear that neither of them could get it up again — they weren’t exactly young —finally, they broke apart. With post-orgasm clarity returning to his mind, Hakoda found himself horrified at what had just happened. The goddamn fire lord lay limply on top of him, wheezing and wiping the cum from his face. When he slid a sticky finger into Hakoda’s mouth for him to suck on, he obliged.

Ozai retracted his finger and sat up. For the first time, he regarded Hakoda with a look of what could’ve been interpreted as respect. “Mm,” he said. “Thank you for that.”

“Any time,” Hakoda replied hoarsely. It was the first thing that came to mind, and he didn’t really know what else there was to say after having violent hate sex with a bizarrely attractive evil dictator.

“I’d like to keep you around, but like you said… I do have a country to run,” he mused. “Yes. I think I’ll keep you somewhere safe. Until I can transport you… the dungeons will do.”

Things could’ve gone much worse, Hakoda supposed.


	2. Top Hakoda/Bottom Ozai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody:  
> Me: dick cage

“He has my permission to enter that cell,” Zuko decreed. “We’re going to do whatever it takes to get information.”

Today, Hakoda and Zuko were visiting Caldera Prison because Zuko hadn’t had any luck extracting any information from former Fire Lord Ozai on the topic of his mother’s whereabouts. The problem had not only been Ozai’s personal vendetta against him, but it had also been Zuko’s methods. Which was where Hakoda came in.

“All right Chieftain, but for security reasons, we’ll have to supervise your visit,” the guard warned. “It could be dangerous to go inside alone with a prisoner like him.”

Hakoda froze up. The idea of the guards watching hadn’t really occurred to him, but on second thought… he didn’t think he would mind. Quickly, he regained the composure that had so briefly slipped away from him. “That’s okay with me. I just hope you can handle it,” he replied.

The guards led them into the depths of the prison, reminding Hakoda of the first (and only other) time he’d met the ex-fire lord. Though he knew it was irrational, he couldn’t help but to grow anxious. But he had nothing to fear this time. He would be in charge. There would be armed guards watching if things got out of control.

And best of all, he had an excuse for traveling all the way to the Fire Nation to rail an ex-dictator.

The entourage stopped just shy of the depths of the prison. “Zuko, I’ll have to ask you not to watch,” Hakoda said as a pair of guards filed in, but the new fire lord remained outside, stony-faced and solemn. “I’m acquainted with his asshole — whoops, I mean that I’m acquainted with him and I know that he IS an asshole, but he’s still your father and you might not be able to stomach what I’m about to do to him.”

Zuko was pretty sure this would involve torture. Well, he was right, in a way. “Very well — whatever you think is best. Again — thank you for doing this.”

“It’ll be its own reward. I have unfinished business with him, and it’s time we got even,” he explained, trying to mask his excitement with a grim tone. “Besides, I owe you. For breaking me out of jail and all. I’ll see you again after it’s over.” 

He vanished down the hallway before Zuko could respond. The guards’ presence would make things awkward, but if he just forgot that they were watching while he warmed up, then he could enjoy humiliating Ozai in front of a live audience later.

The first guard, a young woman, was handcuffing Ozai’s arms behind him when Hakoda stepped in. The prisoner’s demeanor was vastly different than it had been during their previous meeting; whereas he had exuded smug confidence and a sense of superiority before, now he seemed to smolder with a residual anger — a bitterness at his defeat and his new, powerless status. Hakoda couldn’t wait to destroy the last remaining shreds of his dignity. Imagining this once-proud man — a man who’d been the scourge of the whole planet — splayed in front of him, begging for Hakoda to let him come, was already getting the blood pumping to his cock.

Ozai turned his head slowly, appearing almost bored. “You again,” he observed rather blankly. “What brings you here?”

“I’m here to get answers about what happened to your wife. Now’s your last chance to tell me before I get my revenge.”

“Let me guess: did my foolish son put you up to this?” he asked disinterestedly. 

Ignoring the cruel adjective, Hakoda replied, “Yes, Zuko put me up to this. But I also came to follow up on what happened between us after the eclipse. Guards,” he commanded without breaking eye contact with Ozai. “Let me in.”

As Ozai’s harsh gaze followed him intently, Hakoda stepped through the creaking metal door and kicked off his shoes.

“On your knees,” he demanded.

Ozai was reluctant albeit surprisingly obedient, kneeling before him. The possibility that the guards had already been using him for pleasure only further fueled his boner. 

“I have a present for you,” he said, stooping down to reach into his pocket.

Ozai sneered at him. “I don’t want it.”

“That’s too bad.” He slipped down Ozai’s pants to expose his penis — still soft, fortunately. And then he secured over it the cock cage he’d bought in the Fire Nation during the war, just waiting for the right time to use it — and he locked it in place and returned the key to his pocket. “This isn’t coming off until I have answers.” Ozai didn’t give him the satisfaction of struggling and pulling away from the contraption, but fear and confusion began to flicker in his eyes, and Hakoda relished in it.

The guards were puzzled at first, but the woman stifled a laugh when Hakoda stripped off his own clothing and prodded Ozai’s lips until he opened up to let the erect penis slip in. Ozai shut his eyes and began to pleasure him without another word needing to pass between them. The second guard, meanwhile, was more of an old regime supporter, having been exposed to propaganda well into his adulthood, but hey, he couldn’t help but to be curious. Bicurious, that was.

“That’s right,” Hakoda breathed. “Get me ready to claim your ass.” Ozai worked with a steady slowness that betrayed his disinclination, but that at least meant it lasted longer than the previous time. He couldn’t help but to thrust lightly into the warmth of that inviting, talented mouth, thinking of how great it would be to ram his cock all the way down Ozai’s tight throat and watch him choke — but what he really wanted was to slide it right between those gorgeous, muscular arse cheeks. 

He pulled out of Ozai’s mouth. “Do you want to tell me where your wife is? Or do you want me to slam my cock into your ass with only your spit as lube?” he asked.

When he didn’t look up, Hakoda seized a clump of his hair and jerked his head upwards. He had been acutely aware of the guards initially, but during the blowjob, he’d almost forgotten that they were there. The first was clandestinely rubbing her crotch, and the second stood with his arms folded and an uncomfortable look on his features.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll just keep going.” He paused to laugh at the vacant, defeated expression on his enemy’s face. “Wait, don’t tell me that you like this. You like being treated like a worthless whore and that’s why you’re not talking?”

“I don’t know where she is,” he mumbled hoarsely. Hakoda dick-slapped him across the face. When he flinched, he took the opportunity to shove him down onto the pile of hay on the ground, where Ozai flopped down helplessly, grunting from the impact. Damn, maybe he should’ve requested a bed.

Hakoda kicked his pants all the way off, then stripped off his shirt. Ozai struggled into a more comfortable position to little success, falling face first into the bedding multiple times without the support of his hands.

Hakoda kneeled behind him and aligned his cock, and Ozai stopped floundering around in the hay for long enough for Hakoda to seize him by the hips and slide in. 

It was a tight squeeze, the dry hole providing more resistance than he was used to with pussy. Hearing the pained grunts below him as Ozai continued to writhe, his instincts told him to stop, but he easily overrode them, remembering that he was here to repay some favors.

Cupping and massaging the smooth skin of his ass cheeks, he fully inserted himself. The first guard jeered, her inhibitions quickly slipping away at the sight of the fallen king crying out at Hakoda’s first rough thrust. He glanced over to see that she’d slipped a hand down her pants, and the second guard had adopted an embarrassed look, hands pressed over his crotch in an attempt to hide his obvious erection.

“Do you want to tell me where she is?” he asked as he pulled back slightly to prepare for the second thrust.

“You’re not going to stop if I tell you,” Ozai hissed, voice muffled by the hay. His whole body rocked as Hakoda shoved into him again, harder this time.

Hakoda released his hips and ran his fingers down Ozai’s muscular arms, tracing his veins down to where the cuffs bound his wrists behind his back. “So you admit that you know, then?”

“I’m simply pointing out that you are here to satiate your own shallow desires,” he replied, “You don’t care about her, or my son.” Pain leaked into his voice in spite of his efforts to hide it.

“And it wasn’t shallow when you wanted to fuck me?” Hakoda rammed into him a few quick times in succession. “And I certainly care more about your son than you do. What you did was fucking revolting, you know that? Your only worth as a human being is as a cum dumpster.” Their bodies rocked back and forth together as Ozai worked with him to minimize the depth of the thrusts.  
“Assuredly, it was shallow,” he forced out through gritted teeth. “But you act as if you’re making such a great sacrifice.”

“Two fuckin’ birds,” Hakoda said. “Now, unless you’d rather use your mouth to suck me, I’d recommend you use it to tell me where your wife is.”

Ozai was silent except for the grunts he made in time with Hakoda’s quickening motions. Hakoda could feel his balls tightening, the grip of Ozai’s ass around his cock propelling him towards climax. He grabbed him by the hips again, nails biting into flesh, and threw his head back. One hand traveled down to Ozai’s dick to feel that it was still entrapped, prevented from reaching its full extension within the cage. They were sweating in the heat of the poorly ventilated prison, and their slick thighs clapped together. Ozai’s face was fully buried in the hay now, and Hakoda could hardly hear his restrained groans turn to cries and whimpers below him.

Through the haze of pleasure, he glanced to where the guards watched and jerked off like a bunch of freakin animals. To his surprise, three more had gathered, hooting, cheering, and beating their meat. Luckily, Zuko hadn’t shown up — at least not yet — though certainly he’d figured out what was going on by now.

Finally, with a mighty roar of triumph, Hakoda blew his load into that tight crevice. He lay there, satisfied for the moment, with his dick embedded in Ozai’s arse before slowly pulling out, cum trailing from the hole onto the hay. Groping at the cock cage, where Ozai’s dick strained against the metal, he began the last phase of his plan.

“The cage isn’t coming off until I have answers,” he repeated. Rolling Ozai over, he sprawled on top of him. Hay and strands of hair stuck to his sweaty face, and he appeared more dazed than pained.

“I don’t have answers,” he growled, bucking once in his chains.

“I can do this for hours. Days. Hell, I don’t even have to be here. What else is there to do in this cell but to jerk off? You won’t even be able to get hard as long this thing stays on.” Hakoda leaned in to kiss down his neck, grinding his hips against the prisoner’s groin and the uncomfortable metal cage around it. He was still flaccid, but as their cocks rubbed together, he felt his dick coming back to back to life.

“It’s been years,” he insisted. “She could be anywhere!”

Hakoda had indulged himself enough, and now it was time change tactics. He brushed away Ozai’s hair to whisper into his ear, “I’m not walking away empty-handed. Even if it’s just your best guess, I demand you tell me.”

He drew back to see the hesitation in Ozai’s eyes. “So you do know something.” Hakoda leaned back in and began to kiss down his glistening neck, threading his hands in his hair and tasting sweat. “Tell me, and we can end this.” Ozai’s breath was heavy and ragged in his ear, and he expected that at any moment he’d murmur something about the information he’d hoped to find.

But he held out. Hakoda’s fingers trailed down to his nipples and rubbed them in small circular motions. His mouth moved along the prisoner’s jawline to the corner of his mouth.

“Get back to the fuckin’!” a guard shouted. “What’s all this tender bullshit?”

“Ay! My fa died in that fuckin’ war of yours! Fuck him good like before, what are you waiting for?”

Hakoda had just come here to get laid and interrogate a man. He hadn’t expected to get heckled during sex. Increasingly obscene insults echoed through the cell, directed at both of them, but mostly at Ozai.

“Take it off,” Ozai pleaded from beneath him, looking thoroughly embarrassed.

“Not until you get talking.”

“Please,” he whined. He started to grind against Hakoda uselessly, whether in an attempt to satiate himself or the hecklers, it was unclear. He wrapped his legs around Hakoda to pull him in closer. “She might be in her hometown, Hira’a. That’s all I know. I swear it,” he said.

Hakoda considered letting him go. There was still so much tormenting to be done, but he had a feeling that the guards might take his place after he finished. Still, the way he had Ozai squirming and begging beneath him was sending him on a real power trip. But he was hard again, and if he didn’t do something about it soon, he didn’t think he’d last much longer.

He licked his lips, and reached for his discarded pants to retrieve the key. The instant the cage was off, Ozai started vigorously humping him. Hakoda wrapped his arms around that broad, muscular back, and grinding his cock against Ozai’s, he shoved him further down into the bedding. The hay was stiff and prickly against his skin, but Ozai’s body was slick and hard.

The guards were still yelling, but this time, they were cheers. Hakoda forced their lips together, not caring if Ozai was planning on biting him this time, or that he could taste his own cock on his lips. 

They orgasmed in unison, ropes of cum spraying between their bodies. Panting, Hakoda pulled away from Ozai and looked at the guards, who he realized had gone oddly silent.

“Oh, hi Zuko,” Hakoda said as nonchalantly as he possibly could given the fact that he was screaming internally. He had to admit that he had anticipated this happening, unlike with the guards, but he’d just brushed it off. Well, that had been a mistake.

“Wh… What the fuck?” Zuko’s eyes darted around, trying and failing to avoid looking their general direction.

“The good news is that we have a clue as to where your mother might be,” Hakoda said. His false composure was crumbling by the second, and he needed Zuko gone before the facade fell away completely. “Now, if you could give us some privacy, we’d much appreciate it.”

“PRIVACY!? This whole prison staff is watching…! This… happen…” he fumed. “THIS is why you agreed to help me? THIS was your plan!?”

While Zuko screamed his damn head off about the godless scene before him, Ozai grinned hazily and whispered into Hakoda’s ear. “Set up a conjugal visit next time, will you? And bring lube. If you did so… I’d be happy to have you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Ursa


	3. Hakoda/Ursa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not consistent with the comics

At long last, Zuko had reunited with his mother. Hakoda watched them from across the Jasmine Dragon, smiling at how happy they looked to be together again, catching up after years of uncertainty and separation. Though Ursa hadn’t wanted much fanfare, all the kids had showed up to meet her and hang out (except Azula, because fuck her, but not as literally as Hakoda was about to fuck her mom), as well as various adults, including Iroh’s patrons and new friends from Ba Sing Se. The party had been going on for a few hours now, and it was getting late.

Although the incident in the prison had made things awkward between them, Zuko had a lot to thank Hakoda for, and so did Ursa. She’d aged almost as well as her ex-husband, and Hakoda was down to switch from DILF dick to some sweet MILF pussy. He’d been pounding booze all evening, caught up in the celebratory, raucous atmosphere of the party, and he had to say that Ursa’s tits slapped. He hadn’t gone all the way with a woman since his wife had died, but banging Ozai had broken down his sexual barriers. He was ready.

Setting his drink aside, he approached Ursa with the tact of someone who had never been outside in his life. “Howdy, miss,” he said, trying not to slur his words or trip over flat ground. “Have I introduced myself yet?”

“Oh, hello,” she greeted him with a warm smile. “I think Zuko pointed you out earlier, but I don’t believe we’ve met yet. Chieftain Hakoda, yes?”

“Yes, that’s me. Your son busted me out of prison once… that was pretty nice of him… He’s a good kid. Oh yeah and I also got the info that led directly to us being able to find you,” Hakoda bragged. “No big deal.”

Ursa snorted in a very unladylike manner, for sure also a little buzzed. “He and your son told me all about the prison break already. It sounded—” she winced “—very dangerous. But he didn’t say much about how you helped find me. I can’t imagine how you must’ve gotten the information out of his father.”

“Well, I could show you…”

Minutes later, the horny pair had absconded to the upper floor of the Jasmine Dragon, drunkenly struggling out of their clothes.

“Ya think Iroh will mind if we screw on his bed?” Hakoda slurred. “Or, or what if someone comes up here looking for us? I can’t have—”

Ursa silenced him with a heated kiss that made his cock jump. He let go of his waistband and let his pants fall down around his knees, threading an unsteady hand through her hair and pulling her closer. Her lips were warm and inviting, and her breath smelled like alcohol, but under that… something pleasant. Like cherries. “Shush. Everyone’s downstairs,” she reassured him. “It’ll just be a quickie.”

“But I don’t want it to be,” he whined. What he’d seen of her body so far was impressive. Indeed, her tits slapped even harder now that he could see them in their naked glory. He reached out to cup her right breast, feeling its weight in his palm as he rubbed circles across her left nipple. Though her tits were starting to sag with age, he enjoyed their soft malleability, not to mention that they fit perfectly in his hands. (As a man of culture, Hakoda knew that all boobs were beautiful, no matter the size, shape, or texture.)

Still fondling her breasts, he leaned in to kiss down along her neck. She drew in a sharp breath and pressed her body to his, her curves seeming to meld to his form in the same way that his lips hugged her smooth skin. 

As he reached the base of her neck, the sensuality ended there. They worked gracelessly to free one another of their remaining clothing, and once they were both finally nude, Hakoda pushed her down onto the bed. His mouth traveled along her collarbone, down her chest, and to her nipple, and she cried out. “Stop with the teeth,” she declared.

He started to mumble an apology, but decided to let his actions do the talking for him instead. As he let loose his tongue, her body bucked beneath him. She let out hitched breaths, quiet moans, and whispered curses that told him he was doing well — but that he could do better.

He reached even further down to feel her pussy, pleased by the wetness that engulfed his fingers. He groped around until he found her clit and rubbed it in gentle circles; even in his drunken state, he tried to pay careful attention to her reactions and use them to guide him. He was surprised that he even had enough control over his fine motor functions to hit the spot with such precision in the first place, but against all odds, he seemed to be succeeding.

He glanced up from her tits to look at her face. Even in the dim lighting, he was transfixed by her expression; her eyes were shut in pleasure, her mouth hung open. This was not the brutal hate sex he’d had with Ozai. He barely knew this woman, but he could already tell that she was beautiful inside and out… leave it to him to get all gross and sappy about someone he’d just met when he was drunk.

Her eyelids fluttered open when she noticed that he’d slowed his movements to admire her. He was still acting all dumb and lovestruck when she shoved his head down into her soaked pussy.

Hakoda couldn’t even be mad at the sudden roughness. The world had been deprived of his cunnilingus skills for far too long, and he ate her out like the pussy-starved man that he was, sucking and tonguing her clit in a fashion most expert.

“Mphmmm, fuck, that’s good,” Ursa whimpered as he grew more aggressive with his relentless yet steady service. She squirmed and thrashed, her moans growing louder with every passing minute. Thighs clamped around his head, and his jaws were beginning to ache, but he soldiered on. After all, he had to make up for like seven years of not getting any pussy… or however long it had been since his wife had died anyway… 

He was too drunk to remember at the moment, and too turned on by this other woman to be thinking about Kya. He started to jerk himself off as he worked, precum dribbling down his stiff cock. Right after he made her come, he’d need to take care of himself.

Finally, Ursa orgasmed with a scream that Hakoda was sure someone downstairs would hear, but in that moment, he didn’t care — not because he was lost in the ecstasy of sexual pleasure or anything, but because was choking him out with her thick thighs that must’ve been strong enough to crack open a watermelon. Sure, he was totally getting off to it, but he was also a little worried about losing consciousness. 

Her legs went limp, and he seized the opportunity to free himself from her death grip and catch his breath. His head was spinning from the booze and the oxygen deprivation, but he couldn’t stop now, not when he was this painfully hard. “Now it’s my turn,” he growled in what he thought was a low and sexy tone, but in reality it probably sounded more like a dying rhinoceros than the voice of a sex god.

He tried to stick it in her, but it didn’t really work because of the whole drunk as fuck thing. He stabbed her with his dick a few more times before she protested. “You keep missing,” she complained.

“That’s all I get? No ‘thanks for the orgasm?’” he grumbled in frustration.

“Thanks for the orgasm,” she said earnestly. “My ex would’ve never.”

“Yeah, ‘cause he’s gay,” Hakoda muttered. He had to wonder who sucked cock better out of the two of them, but it would be rude of him to just shove himself into her mouth uninvited.

“And you have… you have a bigger dick than him,” she slurred.

This whole time he’d been trying to find her hole. “Yeah, I know. He has a… skinny penis. Maybe I can’t get inside you cause… cause my dick’s too big.”

She snorted again. “Don’t flatter yourself. It’s really not that big. It’s, it’s just right.” 

“That’s… really romantic,” he said. She sat up to grab his cock and guide it in, but seeing her tits swaying gave him a better idea. He climbed up on top of her, straddling her hips like he was about to ride her, then slid his cock into her cleavage and began to thrust. Eagerly, she craned her neck towards his plunging penis to return his oral favor. 

The warmth of her tits pressed around his cock and the wet little kisses to his head were a delightful combination. As he fucked her cleavage, he kneaded her breasts, squeezing them harder and harder as he grew nearer to climax. She ripped his lecherous leech hands away as it grew painful for her, but he quickly came, spraying her face with cum. He screamed, forgetting entirely about the party downstairs, but the deed was still not completed.

He fell upon her, licking his cum from her soft skin. He’d garnered a bit of a taste for the stuff since dabbling in gay sex, and lapped it up fervently. She grabbed him and kissed him again, and their tongues danced the tango. then decided it was time to twerk. 

He was tired, he realized. They pulled apart slowly, and he savored the feeling of her warm, naked skin against his and as he stared into her eyes. As if just remembering where they were, Ursa draped the blanket over them in case someone walked in.

“I really like you,” he said, brushing a strand of hair back from her face.

“We met less than an hour ago,” she said matter-of-factly. 

“And? I’m not allowed to like you?”

She sighed and drew away from him. “I just got back. I have to readjust to life with my family, and there are a lot of demons from my past I have to deal with. I have a lot to do before I can think about getting into a relationship… if that’s what you’re suggesting.”

“Oh, I see. Gotta confront the ex. Hey, like…” Hakoda’s drunkenness got the better of him. “What if we had a threesome? We could both fuck him and tell him what a piece of shit he is… together.”

She hit him with a pillow. “You’re disgusting! I can’t believe I just slept with you.”

“Hey, no pressure,” he said, trying to diffuse the situation. “I’ll never bring it up again if that’s what you want.”

She smiled at him, an expression that was both sly and timid, and she shrugged. “We’ll see. I might change my mind.”

He grinned and kissed her cheek. “Either way… welcome back.”

—

“Hey Zuko, where’d your mom go?” asked Sokka. The party was drawing to a close, and many of the guests had already departed. 

Zuko scanned the room, realizing that indeed she was gone. “Oh… Huh, I don’t know,” he muttered nervously, counting up the remaining guests to make sure he hadn’t missed her in his quick once-over.

“Uh oh, what if she disappeared again? We’ll have to go on another mission to find her!” Sokka joked, nudging him in the ribs obnoxiously.

“That’s not funny, Sokka,” Zuko growled. A muffled scream that sounded an awful lot like his mother drifted down from the upper floor of the building. But it didn’t sound like she was in pain, it sounded like…

He scanned the room again, and realized that someone else was missing too. Someone who was still supposed to be here. Someone who he had not yet seen out the door. 

The color drained from his face. 

“You’ve got to be kidding…”


	4. Hakoda/Ursa/Ozai

“Are you nervous?” Hakoda asked.

“Just hold my hand,” Ursa grumbled. Their fingers interlaced and she sighed, anxiously rubbing her thumb in circles along his knuckle. “I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

“I haven’t talked you into anything yet,” he pointed out.

“Well, we’re here, aren’t we?”

Indeed, they were back in Ozai’s prison. It was a conjugal visit in Hakoda’s name, but that was more to ensure privacy than anything else. They didn’t want any guards watching them like last time — not during a confrontation that was so personal. It totally wasn’t because Hakoda was still holding out in hope of a little action.

“I’m just going to tell him that I’m back and that he no longer holds any power over me or my children,” she explained. “I’m not screwing you while he watches. And you’re not screwing him while I watch. And I’m not screwing him while you watch. Are we clear?” She jabbed at his chest almost playfully, but he could tell that that the gravity of the situation was taking its toll on her.

“As long as you get closure, I’ll be happy.” He squeezed her hand, embarrassed by the things his drunken self had said and done when they’d first met. It had been a few months since then, and they’d entered a relationship of sorts not long after.

Ursa’s pace slowed as they grew closer to the end of the hallway, and she hesitated outside the room where Ozai’s cell was. “What do you want me to do? Should I wait outside?” Hakoda asked. 

“I want you with me for support,” Ursa decided. “Come with me. And don’t do anything stupid.”

“All right,” he agreed. “I won’t.” He looked at her and cracked a smile, hoping to cheer her up, but she was staring intently at the ground and fidgeting.

“Your visitor is here,” said the guard standing at the door. He thumped on the entrance as means of warning, and they stepped inside.

Hakoda hadn’t really known what he’d expected Ozai to be doing when they came in, but jerking off naked had not been it. “Oh Chieftain, I was beginning to think that you’d forgotten all about me~” Ozai said seductively. He’d stretched out so that the light filtering through the barred window gleamed on his nude, muscular body as he languidly stroked his dick. “I’ve been so lonely without your nice fat cock to keep me company. The guards’ aren’t nearly as tasty as yours.”

Then he did a double take and noticed Ursa standing there next to Hakoda. As he realized his mistake, he curled up in an attempt to cover himself, but it was too late.

“…Ursa?” he breathed incredulously, eyes wide. “Is it really you? Wh… I didn’t think… I wasn’t even sure if you were alive!”

Ursa shook her head. She’d gone stiff, and Hakoda couldn’t tell if it was because she was seeing her ex-husband for the first time in years, or if she was trying to ignore the inherent sexuality of what she’d just walked in on. 

Either way, she spoke calmly, her voice more level than he’d expected. “No. After everything you put me through, I’m back. And I’m here now to show you how I feel about you.”

She shut the door behind them and began to pull off her coat, then her dress. “Ursa, what are you doing?” Hakoda gasped. “I thought you didn’t want something like this to happen!”

“I have to do this, Hakoda,” she said firmly. “It’s the only way.”

“But—”

“You can have his ass,” she said, and that was all he needed to hear. He dropped his pants and started slathering his cock in the lotion he’d been keeping in his pocket… you know, just in case. He was already half-hard from seeing Ozai naked, and he became fully erect as he rubbed.

Already through the second, metal door and within the confines of the cell, Ursa positioned herself in front of Ozai and spread her legs. Fortunately, they’d given him a cot since last time Hakoda had visited so they wouldn’t have to fuck on a pile of hay again.

“I missed you so much,” Ozai breathed reverently, what appeared to be tears forming in his eyes. He reached up to stroke her cheek, but she batted his hand away. “I’m so sorry for everything… I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but if you—”

“I don’t want to hear that you’re sorry,” she hissed. “Show me! Show me how much you regret everything you’ve done!” She slammed his head into her crotch and he obediently began to eat her pussy. 

Hakoda narrowed his eyes. He didn’t want Ozai forgetting all about him. As Ozai buried his face in Ursa’s cunt, Hakoda struggled out of his clothes and kneeled atop the bed, which really wasn’t meant to support three people. He moved Ozai’s ass up to a nice comfortable height and slipped in. Maybe it was just the lube or his imagination, but his hole had gotten looser, like he’d been taking a lot of dick, maybe from the guards or other prisoners. As he began to thrust, the cot creaked at a quite alarming volume beneath them, and the force of his movements rammed Ozai deeper between Ursa’s legs.

Ozai pulled his head back from Ursa and got down on his forearms, inserting a pair of fingers into her cunt in place of his unskilled tongue. He used the momentum from Hakoda’s thrusts to fingerfuck her, and she didn’t particularly seem to mind the change in tactics. She reclined further, her back against the wall, so he could get a better angle. He added a third finger, and stopped there, finding it hard to focus on what he was doing as Hakoda’s motions grew harsher and more erratic.

Ursa cried out as the fingerfucking grew too uncontrolled. Ozai hadn’t exactly been trimming his nails in prison either, and it was starting to hurt. As tempting as it was to ask for one of their dicks, but she wasn’t going to let Ozai have that satisfaction yet, nor did she want Hakoda’s cock inside her after it had been in Ozai’s ass. She yanked Ozai’s fingers out of her, squeezing his slick hand and listening to the slapping of Hakoda’s balls against his ass as she waited for the shaking in her legs to subside.

“That’s enough,” she said. Hakoda was still ramming into Ozai, but another sharp bark from her got him to stop. “Hakoda. Suck him off.”

“You want me to…?” he asked, staring at her in horror.

“I can’t have you coming yet,” she explained. “And he’s been good so far, don’t you think? Doesn’t he deserve a reward?”

“But I’ve never—” he started to protest, but she cut him off.

“Do it.” She clambered off the bed, which sounded like it was going to collapse if all three of them kept at it anyways. Slipping her fingers into her pussy, she fingered herself with much more finesse and attention to detail than Ozai had ever possessed.

Ozai smirked and swung his legs down off the bed as Hakoda hesitantly knelt before his neglected cock. He tried to ignore the smug look on his face and focus on the task at hand, but that wasn’t exactly a better option. He at least took solace in the fact that it wasn’t a very impressive dick. He’d thought it had a nice shape, but seeing it up close, he noticed that it had a funny bend to it, curving a little bit to the left.

He shut his eyes and wrapped his lips around the head. It wasn’t as good as Ursa’s pussy; in fact, it tasted dirty and grimy, but maybe that was just because Ozai didn’t exactly get the chance to wash his cock much in prison.

“I shouldn’t even be here,” Ursa spoke softly. Hakoda could hear that she was still rubbing herself, judging by the wet sounds coming from behind him. “You don’t deserve my forgiveness, let alone to be in my presence. But no matter what….” She gasped and moaned under her own touch. “…part of me… never stopped loving you.”

“I know I made some mistakes,” Ozai said in what was the understatement of the century. “I just wanted it to be the way it was when it was just the two of us. When I didn’t feel like I was competing for your love.”

“You wanted too much. You knew it was between your family and your own selfish ambitions…”

Hakoda sucked more gently, trying to hear their conversation from between Ozai’s thighs. He was surprised to hear that they’d loved each other at all; from the way Ursa had talked about him, she’d made it sound like there’d never been anything between them and that he’d probably been gay anyways. A firm hand pushed him forward, sending the cock deeper down his throat, and he gagged.

“But it’s over now,” Ursa continued. “I’m with Hakoda now, and he treats me better than you could. Not to mention he gives much better head.”

“Somehow, I doubt that,” Ozai said about the pitiful blowjob, a smirk in his tone. Hakoda bit his cock and he squealed like a little girl, but didn’t retaliate.

“Well, he eats my pussy great. Not like you’d understand.”

As Ursa knelt next to him at the bedside, Hakoda pulled away from Ozai’s dick. Thinking they were about to kiss, he leaned in to meet her lips, but she instead turned to the boner before them. 

“This is how he likes it,” she explained. Her mouth enveloped his cock most elegantly, bobbing up and down along the shaft. Hakoda reached for her cunt and massaged her clit, his fingers venturing into her hole. Together, they licked up and down Ozai’s dick until their mouths met at the bottom, his tip twitching between their twirling tongues. 

Hakoda continued to pump at Ursa’s cunt until her breathy gasps turned to screams. Her legs quivered, unable to support her weight even in her kneeling position. Ozai was jerking off by now, his fist a blur, even as Hakoda still tongued his head. He came in Hakoda’s mouth, who swallowed his cum in a few swift gulps.

“Come on, Ozai,” Ursa said through heaving breaths as she recovered from her orgasm. She reached out with one shaking hand and her fingers locked with his. “We’re together again, and we have Hakoda to thank for it. Let’s show him how much we appreciate all he’s done for us.”

Hakoda ignored her strange wording, focused more on finally getting to climax above all else. He’d already wrapped a hand around his cock and started to masturbate vigorously, but it was soon replaced by the warm mouths of the hottest parents in the Fire Nation. He shut his eyes and let them work, finally able to relax, but he noticed that their attention to his dick was quickly diminishing. 

Looking down to see what had happened, he saw them locked in a passionate kiss. Ursa was even crying a little bit, and Ozai was the most emotional he’d seen him. Right when he needed it most, no one was sucking his dick, and that was outrageous.

Annoyed, not to mention confused, he started to jerk off again. He still needed to come, and if he had to make it happen himself, he would.

“I missed you too,” Ursa breathed against Ozai’s lips. “Every day…”

“I’m so sorry…” Ozai gasped into her mouth. The gross wet sounds of their makeout intensified. “I can change… I’ll do it for you…”

“Put another baby in me~” Ursa screamed, and Ozai thrust her down onto the dirty prison floor, kissing her violently.

Hakoda blew his load right across both their faces, but this did nothing to deter them. He briefly considered pissing on them, but his anger was quickly becoming secondary to his growing horror. 

“What have I done…”

—

“I’m not telling him. I don’t want to be in the room for this,” Hakoda said firmly. Waiting outside Zuko’s office in the palace, he leaned against the wall, folding his arms stubbornly.

“You can’t deny that you played a big part in this,” Ursa pointed out. 

“He doesn’t need to know that this was all because of a threesome!”

“A threesome?” Zuko echoed, appearing out of nowhere and scaring the shit out of them.

Hakoda nearly jumped backwards, startled. There was no way out of this. “I had a threesome with your parents, and now they’re back together,” he explained.

“You—? Mom, how could you!?” Zuko shouted.

“Deep down he’s still the man I fell in love with!” 

“But Mom!” He sputtered and struggled for words. “He tried to destroy the world! And he tried to kill me a bunch of times!”

“He can change!”

Zuko suddenly turned on Hakoda. “This is all your fault!”

“My fault!? I was just trying to help you! Well… at least at first…”

“Fine! It’s all Dad’s fault!”

“Everything’s your dad’s fault!” Hakoda cried.

Zuko waved his hands, cutting everything off. “You know what? I’m done. I don’t want to hear about any of your love lives anymore. Hakoda, I’m going to fuck Sokka AND Katara, and we’ll see how you like that!”

“You can’t — !” Hakoda stammered, but Zuko had a point. “…Actually, that’s fair.”

Zuko stormed off, and they both watched him go, an awkward silence settling over them.

“So… are we still together?” Hakoda offered Ursa his hand.

She smiled coyly and took it. “Of course. We’ll just have to get used to sharing.”

-FIN-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thnx for joining me on this shitfest of a journey. that's all folks


End file.
